Sometimes, trying to capture emotions through metaphor which is my usual style of writing– it’s not always a successful endeavour I tried for this but couldn’t make it that way. But let me just vent it out the way it comes out. This isn’t about my trips across Europe. Sure, I’ve been to a bunch of countries recently, but this isn’t about travel tips. Instead, I’ve got some thoughts about what’s going on in our heads, our mental health. While in Paris, I kept mulling over a question: where do smiles come from? Can you just snap a pic with a gorgeous backdrop, striking a pose, and flash a smile, even when your mind and heart are at odds? We’re a peculiar generation, aren’t we? Filled with misconceptions, misinformation, and misbeliefs.
My journey started heavy-hearted. For me, it was just one more flight, one more city. But something about Paris made me question why I felt so drained, so empty. Why wasn’t this beautiful place giving me the usual thrill?
I tried getting a picture, attempted to smile, but it just didn’t work. I spent an evening on a cruise, surrounded by glimmering lights and music, but my mind was blank. I felt numb, not happy, not sad, just waiting for time to pass.
The next day, since morning I found myself on my bed in my room doing absolutely nothing and this became a pattern throughout the trip, whether in Switzerland, Prague, Vienna, or Amsterdam, Belgium.
Today, I looked at my photos and wondered, what’s wrong? Why wasn’t there any joy or excitement in my face? Was it dehydration? Something else? Was it the sun? Or was it the fact that despite being in some of the world’s most beautiful cities, I felt no fulfillment?
I don’t have a clear answer yet, but perhaps it’s because sometimes, our mind and heart want to escape reality. Before the trip, I was going through a tough time and thought that visiting new places would help lift my spirits. But that’s not always the case. The idea that you can use tourism as an escape may not always pan out. People often suggest getting some fresh air or traveling to feel better, but what if you’re dealing with poor mental health?
I think the bigger question is why do you want to travel to those places? If you’re hoping to fill a void or find happiness during a hard time by using travel as a tool, it might not work out. At least for me ( said by someone who is not been to him room for a really long time )
There’s a word in English, “repercussions.” If I learned anything from traveling so much, it’s that sometimes, life throws a bunch of miseries at you in return ( can I call it side effects ) and it can be hard to cope.
So, let’s circle back to that question: where does a smile come from? I wish I had a concrete answer. What I do know is where it doesn’t come from:
- It doesn’t come from faking happiness while your eyes are filled with tears.
- It doesn’t come from a heart burdened with loneliness and confusion.
- It doesn’t come from a place of fear and pain, even if you’re trying to mask it with a smile.
And if we think that smiling through tough times is a sign of acceptance and that running away is the answer, we’re mistaken. How far can we really run?
